…and for the record, to answer a question, i think it was easy to talk to people because bil was specifically ‘advertised’ to be open source and ‘free’ – somewhat polar opposite to ted. rather than showing up to something with pre-set standards and/or expectations, i think people embraced the casual freedom and equality-to-all mindset.

I’m mostly playing a wolf in sheep’s clothing when I ask some of these questions. I use similar approaches and methods to communicate with individuals and would admit to fairing well socially. But as any craft, practice and a beginner’s mind is essential to continue to learn and excel. I endlessly enjoy talking about social communication and I look forward to hearing more about it from you two.

If you are approaching a woman, I would comment on what she’s doing, bring her into the moment with you. Body language and confidence is almost more important than what you say. If you can convey that well, you may picque her curiosity about “Who is this guy?”

And yes, you’re right, there is a risk of going into the “friend zone” for a guy. I think it is possible to maintain attraction on a “just friends” level if the “just friends” is situational– i.e. she’s otherwise involved, but if she’s not and you end up in the friend zone, I’m not currently sure how to get out of it.

For me, I often find myself stating that I’ve overheard something and then joining in the conversation– with males or females. And this is generally if I’m interested on a friend level and they’re doing/saying something interesting.

The other thing that might be helpful is- practice. Practice talking to people, make notes of what works for you and what doesn’t.

There are actually a lot of resources that can do a better job of explaining these things on the web than I can. One of my suggestions is the website Kiss N’ Tale run by my friend Khiem.

Thanks. I understand. I think what I wanted to address was that the four tenets do describe an outline of great communication between individuals in and out of a vacuum. But there are a good number of situations that exist in our daily life that require us to get others to play along without consciously defining the rules for them. We instead have to rely on some other mechanics. Simply employing sincerity and curiosity doesn’t necessarily make the other person do the same. Though, I’m sure we could define a number of these tactics within the realm of employing sincerity and curiosity.

To go nerd: Computer modems. You’ve defined the protocol that allows two connected systems to communicate with each other. What is not fully defined is the means of creating the connection: the handshaking.

I’m asking far too much from a 15 minute talk on the subject of communication.

Regrading a man’s quick desire to date: I think that men often act out of desire of the person or out of the fear of being thought of as a friend. The latter, being a guess that I’m making based on conversations and interactions with men previously finding themselves in unwanted friendships. Men learn that they should make their intentions known very quickly. While this is not my characteristic approach, I know that if there is any doubt that a magnificent partner would pass me by if I didn’t say something – then I’d say something.

Sincerely,

Frank

p.s. Not being able to edit a post after the fact scares me.

When sincerity fails to generate someone’s curiosity, I may try pushing a little harder to generate more conversation or I will just leave it be (and hope to run into them again).

I think it’s easier for women to initiate conversations with men than visa versa… In general, women are “bombarded” with offers and it’s sometimes difficult to know what to do with the advances. I always find myself wishing that the guy would just be more patient and not ask me out right away… and instead get to know me before initiating a “wanting to date” conversation. I’m often interested in the men I talk to, but get a little put off by how quickly they move and how many assumptions they make. For myself (and many women friends I know), I prefer a slow, gentle, and non-assuming approach.

How does an individual engineer curiosity in a sudden conversational partner? How about when their sincerity fails to generate the partner’s curiosity?

I guess what I mean to say is: How do you signal the start of the conversational dance?