Sophisticated Relationships

To be always intending to make a new and better life but never to find time to set about it is as to put off eating and drinking and sleeping from one day to the next until you’re dead.
Og Mandino

Since March I’ve been ignoring my health. I stopped exercising and I started eating past the point of full. When I stopped caring about those things, I told myself “this is just a break.” Final exams were coming, and I was devoting my life to studying, at the expense of my health.

I told myself I needed to take a break because what was going on in my life was stressful. I would start again as soon as finals were over. I deserved the time off, and I deserved to eat that extra helping of whatever happened to tantalize my taste buds. I needed the extra time from exercise to sleep or study, I must have my 6-8 hours! I needed that chocolate to reward myself after a study sessions.

Shortly after finals were over, nothing happened. The “just a break” got a little longer. I needed the extra time to sleep because I had been up late talking to my boyfriend. I couldn’t waste the food that was on my plate because I was trying to save money. I didn’t have time.

What I was telling myself, “just a break”, “I deserved . . .”, and “I needed ___ to feel better,” etc were excuses.

Exercise enhances energy and brain performance, even old-school mathematicians knew that. Eating healthfully improves the brain’s performance and increases energy, not to mention longevity. As for the extra time talking to my boyfriend? While a good relationship is good for us, the lack of sleep and exercise, are bad for me. If I hadn’t known all of this, my excuses may have been valid. I might say I was being hard on myself if I hadn’t known all of that, and more when I stopped taking care of myself anyway.

What I was craving was stress release, and I found it by going back to old habits. I took action without gaining insight into what would be a healthy way to decrease my levels of stress. For example a useful insight might be- maintaining a healthy diet and exercise routine will help reduce my stress. My routine was flexible, my goal before I quit was to exercise 3-5 times a week for thirty minutes. My healthy eating habits were also flexible: the number one priority was only eating until I was full, and the number two priority was to get enough vegetables and protein. May I always eat dark chocolate.

Another useful insight might have been that I needed some self care. Such as ten minute mediations, like the ones at My Thought Coach. Of course a little more studying and a little less social interaction would have been good self care too, rather than managing my feelings around the problem.

My break turned into a bad habit that brought with it fifteen pounds. The fifteen pounds sat, and my clothes were tight, I was sluggish and more moody.

Good Calories, Bad Calories

The next several months involved a lot of introspection. Why did I stop exercising and start eating too much again? We just went over that. Why did I stay that way? I didn’t know. School was over. My sleep schedule was back to normal. I didn’t have those excuses anymore. I kept thinking that tomorrow I would start being healthy again. Somehow I got it in my head that I also needed to start my budget again in order to stop over-eating. That I couldn’t keep track of my food until I started keeping track of my money.

Reasons why I could not start behaving in favor of my health kept rolling in. While I have some shoulder problems, that hadn’t stopped me before, and it was one of the reasons stopping me now. I couldn’t start again until I could figure out why I wasn’t doing it! Although really, I wasn’t letting myself. I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a why that felt just right.  (I was even using my feelings as an excuse!)

I have found for myself that a lot of time on “Why” is not helpful for change. Why is not useful when I want to be doing something differently and instead I contemplate the answers to why in my navel. That is what I did while the pounds and lethargy stayed. I had come up with plenty of answers to: “Why?” And I kept not changing.

Something else I learned:

Nothing Changes, if nothing changes.

I started asking “What” and “How” questions. What was I doing when I was healthier? How was I doing it? What I was doing included: writing down what I ate and keeping track of the composition of the food; exercising 30 minutes 3-5 times a week and keeping track of it; drinking more water; eating more vegetables; thinking that being healthy is possible; consciously focused on appreciating the benefits of my actions; and putting my focus in more motivational directions.

How I was doing it included: using My Food Diary to track the food, exercise and water; if I had a spare 45 minutes I would go for a walk, or to the gym and I started hiking with friends again; I planned my meals in advance; I reminded myself that being healthy is possible and visualizing how I am when I am healthier; I took a few minutes to appreciate the results of a healthier lifestyle, such as more energy, or more toned legs; I sought out motivational material and added it to my RSS feed or del.icio.us account, like this.

I thought about the “what’s” and the “how’s” and started doing them. I didn’t need to know why I had stopped. I have been getting back on track for a week now, and already I feel better. As for my relationship, adding back exercise and sleep has not hurt my relationship. In fact, it helps and gives us something to work toward together: better health. That seems like a win-win to me.

I’m not criticizing myself for the time away from a healthier lifestyle, I’m learning from it. In the first situation, I took action without taking some time to see into the situation. In the second situation I took too much time contemplating “why” that I put off action. I refocused on how and what I could do differently and what had worked in the past, I stopped making excuses, and then I did it. I’m already feeling better.  Whenever there is action without insight, or insight without action, I find I stagnate.

Lexi*B

Tags: Lexi, action, character, insight, relationship with self, well-being, win-win // 4 Comments »