Anxiety and highly sensitive people
“To know how one is conditioned is the first step toward freedom.” – J. Krishnamurti
I’ve had high levels of anxiety for most of my life. I remember coming home from school in tears because I’d gotten teased, and my parents saying “You are so sensitive!”. I remember having intense emotional mood swings in high school… to the point where my parents chose to put me on Prozac. I’ve always hated taking medications and I stopped taking Prozac when I went to college.
I’m a highly motivated and driven person. I’ve always been involved in a lot of projects, and in college I really overdid it. I was the state Chair of CoPIRG (Colorado Public Interest Research Group) which meant that I helped coordinate the environmental campaigns on 5 different college campuses. In addition, I had a full class load, a full time job, and music classes I had to take to keep my flute scholarship. I had really high anxiety, and at the time, I attributed it to being too busy. I went to therapists who prescribed massages and told me to lessen my responsibilities. I did eventually stop doing so much. And it did help, but only somewhat.
After graduating, and moving to San Francisco, the anxiety persisted. This time, I attributed it to low self-esteem and social anxiety. I was dating Johnny Seitan, who was 11 years older, so I was hanging out with a seemingly more sophisticated crowd. Everyone appeared to be smarter, funnier, and cooler than me. Whereas I’d been considered a “freak” in Colorado, I was milquetoast in San Francisco.
I finally sought therapy for my social anxiety with Dr. Sein. The treatment was very successful in that I was able to go to parties and clubs and enjoy myself more than I had in the past… yet the anxiety persisted.
I’ve tried a lot of things over the years… yoga, massage, meditation, quitting caffeine, various therapies, lots and lots of books, stopping birth control, and breathing exercises. And yet, the anxiety persisted.
Fast forward to about 6 months ago. A friend came over to hang out and gave me one of her Vicodin. It had been a particularly stressful week and within an hour of taking the Vicodin I was feeling amazing. I hadn’t felt that good in a really long time. Like, YEARS! I had no anxiety whatsoever… I felt calm and relaxed and content and clear and focused. The next day, I got a referral to a good psychiatrist (Dr. Zzzz). Previous psychiatrists have offered me medication, and I always refused, thinking that if I could just increase my self-esteem, or get over my social anxiety, that my discomfort would go away. But after the experience with the Vicodin, I changed my mind.
It has now been about 4 months since I’ve been on anti-anxiety medication… and I have to say, the change is significant. I feel as if a layer has been lifted away, and I can see the things lying underneath. Instead of using all my energy to deal with anxiety, I am now able to use my energy to deal with the issues at hand. The anxiety is definitely not gone, but it has lessened to an extent where it is very manageable.
Along with the medication, Dr. Zzzz recommended a book called The Highly Sensitive Person
Having a sensitive nervous system is normal, a basically neutral trait. You probably inherited it. It occurs in about 15-20 percent of the population. It means you are aware of subtleties in your surroundings, a great advantage in many situations. It also means you are more easily overwhelmed when you have been out in a highly stimulating environment for too long, bombarded by sights and sounds until you are exhausted in a nervous-system sort of way. Thus, being sensitive has both advantages and disadvantages.
So my dilemma is that I am an extrovert, yet I can also be overwhelmed in highly stimulating environments. I LOVE going to concerts, clubs, and parties – but I’m realizing that I need to find a balance for myself after being in those environments. Understanding that I am a highly sensitive person is helpful because I am now aware of just how over-stimulated I can get, and I can plan for how to deal with that stimulation.
I’m not an advocate of taking medications. In general, I think our population is over-prescribed. But I am finding that medication can be helpful in certain scenarios. Each pill has its side effects, and it can take a long time to find a medication that works for you. I consider myself very lucky that the side-effects that I have had have been minimal, and that the results have been so successful.
Had I been more aware of my sensitivities at an earlier age, I could have developed better coping mechanisms for dealing with my anxiety. I am now looking forward to learning how to use my sensitive nature to my advantage.
“I am like a person turned inside out, flowering to the utmost through my senses, mind, emotions. I wear a big white straw hat at a rakish angle. I discover a whole forest of strange new flowers. No ideologies. The realm of pure senses.” – Anais Nin
*~Lighthouse~*
Thanks for posting about your experiences with the medication! I, too, am actually still skeptical about the use of psychotropic medications in our society, but have had positive experiences with them myself. If I hadn’t started taking medication for my depression, I am certain I wouldn’t be where I am today. The meds helped ease the pain to a point at which I was able to stop all the things I did to dull the feelings, and begin to really work on the sources of my trouble.
Now, 3 years later, I’ve reduced my dosage by half, and I look forward to eliminating it altogether once I feel ready. There’s some work yet to be done, but I’m so much healthier now that I think the amount of energy that the meds free up (exactly how I would put it too) will be energy I can spare.
So, thanks for speaking up! As a nurse once said to my sister, “Would you think a diabetic wasn’t being tough enough if they didn’t try to get off the insulin?” Some of us just need the chemical balancing.
I think drugs can be helpful, so long as they are not a first resort. Psychology is biology, so drugs can be helpful in changing our thought patterns. They are a blunt and unpredictable instrument, as you say, and so not a first resort. Much of mental health (including not being anxious) involves habits of thought, which are, in some way, biologically ingrained in our brain, so drugs can help break or suspend those habits.
Have you picked up _Feeling Good_ again? It says a lot about the internal dialogs that cause anxiety, and how to create a habit of making those dialogs go the other way.
Also, keeping too busy can be a result, rather than a cause, of anxiety. This happens when anxiety is about seeking others’ approval. Doing lots of stuff is a way to gain approval from people, yet that is never really satisfying, so we keep trying to do more to meet others’ expectations and feel that it is never really enough. Disciplining ourselves to not be so busy can help a lot, because it lessens anxiety’s control over us, but it’s only a band-aid.
I always find it interesting when coincidences like this come up. I just had a mutual friend show me this book over the weekend.
I suffer from anxiety too. I think I’ll check out that book. Thanks.
Quitting caffeine has been a boon to my mood. I believe that it causes some strange things with my emotional state. This is the first time that I have read your blog here. Quite nifty.
One of the things that has always fascinated me is how difficult it is to guess sometimes which people have social anxiety. I would never have guessed that you struggled with that, as you seem so calm and confident. I’ve had people tell me the same thing, though, and I have massive social anxiety problems.
On the issue of drugs, I’m about as pro-drug as you can get. My biggest frustration is that there is a such thing as “perscription” instead of letting people make their own decisions. I can’t count how many times I’ve wished I could just try one drug or another, but I end up not because I don’t want to have to go in and talk to a doctor and explain myself, and convince him/her that my needs are legitimate. In my experience, on the whole people drastically underestimate the positive role drugs can play (both legal and illegal) in self improvement.
I’m very curious what drug you are using now. I am pro-drug, and while I think they need to be used cautiously, I think it is a bummer how many people are against them and missing out on something that might help them.
Patri, I am currently on Celexa (30 mg/day – but likely going to 40 mg/day soon). It was the first thing I tried and it seems to be working fairly well. The only side effect I had was drowsiness when I first started taking it, but that went away. I also have Klonopin on hand for times when I start feeling overwhelmed and unable to manage the anxiety. I usually take 0.5 mg. 1 mg will put me to sleep. I’m also taking 1000 mg fish oil daily.
Jeff, people are always surprised when I tell them how much anxiety I have. It’s strange… to others I appear calm and confident, yet inside I’m a searing mass of anxiousness. I’m not at all good at hiding my emotions so it’s interesting to me how that can happen.
I agree with you on the prescription issue… for people like us (smart, responsible, introspective, and aware), it is annoying to have to go to a supposed “professional” to get drugs. Unfortunately, the majority of the population would abuse the system to no end… then again, maybe that’s a good thing. ?
Corrie – the book isn’t all that well written (it’s not “terrible” by any means), but it is one of the very few books on the subject so definitely worth picking up.
I also recommend Feeling Good by David D. Burns and The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne.
[...] been monitoring my moods very closely since starting to take anti-anxiety medications. I fill out a mood chart daily… the result being that I’m hyper aware of my thought [...]
I read the Highly Sensitive Person several years ago and it changed my life. I finally felt that I understood myself.
I believe that everyone should read this book. I have recommended it to many people over the years.
It is enlightening to people who are highly sensitive and beneficial to the non-sensitive people as well. The non-sensetive can learn objectively why some people are sensitive and some are not. Both the highly sensitive and the non-sensitive can learn how their respective temperaments affect their personalities.
My husband is not highly sensitive and yet I love him deeply. I have asked him to read this book, but he never did. I am hopeful that he will read it some day.
My one son is highly sensitive and my other son is not. However, I love them both. They both teach me things about life. Each of them contribute to the world. Both of them are well-adjusted and happy.
Being highly sensitive has been both a blessing and a curse for me at times. However, it has always allowed me to see the world with an incredible ability to be perceptive and highly analytical. At times, I have been able to figure why people behave the way they do sooner than others simply because of my sensitivity and analytical abilities. People have even told me that I am very perceptive. I am sure that I would not be this way without my profound sensitivity to subtleties in my world.
I was blessed when I got to attend a workshop in Pennsylvania with other highly sensitive peole several years ago. Dr. Aron was not able to attend it due to illness, but she did participate in it via a conference call. Speaking to her was an amazing experience. She answered complex questions quickly and easily. Dr. Aron in like a human encyclopedia. Her knowledge base seems endless. She speaks eloquently and in a highly comprehensive manner.
I wish that more people knew about her and her phenomenal book. I will always feel endebted to her for writing it.
Hey Debbie,
Thanks for your comments!!
You might also find this article on Orchid Children interesting: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200912/dobbs-orchid-gene
Another really good book is “Love is Letting Go of Fear”. Strongly recommend this book!